What should a Christian woman be looking for in a Christian man that she is considering marrying? As a minimum, he should be demonstrating biblical qualities similar to what we read in Ephesians 5.
Though many Christians focus on verses 21-33 in isolation when it comes to marriages, the entire chapter leads into the relationship.
Ephesians 5 is an excellent checklist to go by when considering a husband or wife. The following are ten points that a woman can look for in a potential husband that would help confirm he is a good catch or raise a red flag that he is not.
1. He should be a follower of God (Ephesians 5:1).
A "follower" in New Testament language meant that you imitated who you were following. That means, the prospective man should be focused on the things of God, not on things of himself only. His walk with God will be his first priority. "As dear children" indicates a humility before God that should be readily seen in his walk.
2. He should be walking in love (Ephesians 5:2).
Christ showed supreme love in dying for unlovable people—He understands the meaning of self-sacrifice and is our example. If your potential husband shows indications of a willingness to sacrifice—as opposed to having to be coerced to do something for others—he is demonstrating Christ-like qualities that are worth keeping.
3. He is walking in the truth (Ephesians 5:3-6).
Based on verses 3-6, he should be avoiding certain behaviors, not because he is resisting temptation, but because he is rooted in right doctrine.
There are a lot of doctrines out there which lead people away from the true God and into a more fleshly walk. This man will not be one of them.
4. His life should be a testimony of light not darkness (Ephesians 5:8).
Very simply, to avoid being unequally yoked, he should have a clear testimony of how the Lord saved Him.
5. He should demonstrate cautiousness (Ephesians 5:15).
The future Mr. should be someone who gives indications of walking not only wisely but also carefully. He should not run into things he is not sure about.
There should be a propriety about him that comes out in his life. Watch for what the Bible calls a circumspect walk. If you have a hard time seeing it, you may want to think twice.
6. He should have an attitude of submissiveness in church (Ephesians 5:21).
We are told to submit ourselves one to another. His behavior in church should demonstrate a submissiveness to the members. It does not mean he is a doormat, but he defers to others when appropriate.
7. He should be self-sacrificing for you (Ephesians 5:25).
As mentioned previously, Christ was our example of sacrifice. Husbands are commanded to show this same love to their wives. A future husband should show indications of love that reflect his willingness to give you what you want instead of taking only what he wants. He doesn't have to give his life for you, but he should be willing to die to his wants for you.
8. He should be guiding you in the word (Ephesians 5:26-27).
A future husband should be interested in studying the Bible with you. At the very least, sharing the word of God together can help develop each other.
If he is interested in the word of God and sharing it with you for your benefit, it is another indicator that he is a keeper.
9. He should be treating you with honor, care, and respect (Ephesians 5:25, 28).
As he treats himself with care (and he should be taking care of himself), so he should be looking out for your welfare.
If a future husband is not taking care of himself, it is an indicator that he will not be taking care of you—possibly expecting you to take care of him, which is backwards.
10. He should be interested in your spiritual well-being (Ephesians 5:28).
This man should want to attend church with you, not sneak off into a dark alley. He will want to do things that avoid the appearance of evil because he wants to keep your honor.
A man who shows signs of caring for your reputation is a good man to consider for marriage.
Conclusion
True, Ephesians 5 contains the target relationship between Christian husbands and wives, but there should be glimpses of these points from verse 1 to verse 33 in the life, attitudes, and behaviors of the future spouse.
No believer on earth is perfect, but there should be hints of these points in his life.
By Jerry Smith
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Feature image: Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash
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